In a shocking revelation that has shaken the drum corps community, a former DCI judge has come forward to admit that scoring has little to do with performance quality and everything to do with snack quality.
“For years, we’ve kept up the façade that it’s all about cleanliness, show design, and GE,” said the anonymous whistleblower, “but let’s be real—when you’ve been sitting in a press box for 12 hours straight, you’ll do anything for a good brownie.”
According to the confession, judges have an unspoken snack-based scoring rubric:
- 10/10 for Homemade Baked Goods: Bonus points for a perfectly gooey chocolate chip cookie.
- 8/10 for Sandwich Platters: Scores improve if there’s a spicy mustard option.
- 4/10 for Store-Bought Chips: “It’s lazy, but at least it’s something.”
- 3/10 for PB&J: While it's a drum corps staple, there's only so much PB&J one can take over the course of a summer
- 2/10 for Gatorade: It's not ideal, but it's better than nothing. Add a point if its ice cold.
- 0/10 for Fruit/Veggie Trays: “We’re here for drum corps, not a wellness retreat.”
The whistleblower claims that top-tier corps like the Blue Devils and Carolina Crown frequently provided the best snacks. “You don’t hit consistent 98s without a killer snack game. Crown’s 2014 Mac and Cheese bar setup? It was Out of this World."
Meanwhile, smaller corps have struggled to compete in the snack department. “We once gave an 54 to a corps just because they handed out Funyuns,” said the judge. "We felt insulted. They did have a wonderful performance though."
Fans of the activity have long suspected corrupt juding, and this report all but confirms it. "Corps should be focusing on feeding their members, not trying to buy their next championship with a bag of Twinkies." said one critical fan.
For now, it seems that corps everywhere are scrambling to rethink their competitive strategies. Financial reports indicate that Phantom Regiment have ordered a commercial-grade pizza oven for the 2025 season, and a massive trailer of Chips Ahoy! was seen at the Crossmen Corps Hall.
As for the whistleblower? They’ve already been banned from critique rooms nationwide. “I knew I’d face consequences,” they said, “but someone had to tell the truth. Also, if anyone asks, the best snack I ever had was BK's s’mores buffet in 2016. Absolutely life-changing.”