DALLAS, TX -
In an absolutely unheard of event, the Couchmen were one step ahead of the entire Drum Corps activity this morning by being the first Drum Corps to announce their tour schedule for the 2016 season.
"Getting a head start on this season's schedule is going to have huge benefits for our members this year. It has already strategically allowed our organization to not only find the most efficient rehearsal venues, but the best amenities as well" said corps director Zach Ashcraft.
Some of these amenities include better laundry facilities, more comfortable sleeping spaces, and of course, better access to fast food restaurants. "Most drum corps haul around a mobile kitchen in an 18 wheeler all summer long" Ashcraft continued, "We just don't see this as practical. There are literally more than 1500 Chipotle's in America as of today. Why would we want to rob our members of this?" When pressed, Ashcraft did clarify that peanut butter and jelly would still be offered on a daily basis. "Any great corps needs consistency, and for all the changes DCI has seen since the 1970's, one thing that has remained consistent above all else is PB&J."
The staff proceeded to announce their tour schedule for the month of June, with the remainder of the tour to follow soon.
JUNE 1 : Spring Training Begins: Dallas, Texas
JUNE 2: Wal-Mart for resupply of PB&J: Dallas, Texas
JUNE 3: Netflix Basic: The Couch
JUNE 4: Nap Marathon: Various Couches
JUNE 7: Wake up from Nap Marathon: Various Couches
JUNE 8: Hand out drill for the opener: We Should Probably Learn This
JUNE 9: FIRST FREE DAY!!! Star Wars: The Force Awakens Premiere: Studio Movie Grill
JUNE 10: Lament the fact that Star Wars VII Came out in December: Crying in our bus seats
JUNE 12: Tour Begins: Blue Bell Ice Cream Factory (How did we get here?)
JUNE 14: Colorguard Auditions: We probably should've done this awhile ago
JUNE 15: Call George Hopkins for Help: What have we gotten ourselves into
JUNE 16: Hershey Chocolate Factory (Swimsuits required): Hershey, PA
JUNE 18: Couchmen History Night: Top Secret Location
JUNE 19: Fathers Day BBQ: The Backyard of some random guy with a grill
JUNE 21: Recover from Fathers Day BBQ: The Bathroom
JUNE 23: Netflix and Couch: The Couch
JUNE 25: Mandatory Showers: Its been awhile...
JUNE 26: McDonald's All Day Breakfast - Literally All Day: Somewhere in the northern hemisphere
JUNE 28: Realize all of the other corps are having things called "Rehearsal Days": The Couch
JUNE 30: Rewrite the entire show to be a ballad: Public Library with free wi-fi